Big Bear's Score
by whytewytch
Summary: Little John learns to enjoy summer one night, with the help of his queen. Innuendo. My OFC makes an appearance as well.


**A/N: Hey, everyone! Just a little light fluff, featuring Little John and Queen Eleanor, but with some of your favorite (or at least my favorite) couple as well. BTW, I need your help. Please PM me with ideas for who Deirdre could be, star-wise. Possibles include Reese Witherspoon and Amanda Seyfried. I need personalities who have numerous photos to pick and choose from, as I will be using them to post pics of my "Thieves" stories on a Live Journal comm that I'm planning. Actresses, singers, models, anyone who matches Deirdre's description. Thanks in advance for all your help!**

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The forest was still—hot, muggy, and uncomfortable along the road where the trees were not as dense and provided little relief from the summer sun. Despite the heat, the gang waited, hiding in branches where cooling breezes caught them now and again. Little John had decided to await their quarry on the ground rather than 'scrambling about the branches like squirrels', and stood facing north, hidden by the bulk of an ancient oak. Despite having shed his long leather jacket, sweat trickled down his neck, making his back and chest itch; other places further down felt even more uncomfortable, not only itching, but painful every time he shifted his legs. Little John hated summer—the gang acted even more childlike than usual, and heat rashes plagued him in places best left unmentioned. It was embarrassing, really.

The sound of harnesses jangling brought him out of his self-pitying thoughts, and he placed his hands to his mouth, twittering like a bird the way Robin had taught them all to, the delicate sound odd coming from such a large man. A moment or two and the party was drawing alongside the tree where Little John stood; in the time it took to draw a breath, the gang had dropped to the ground and John had stepped out from behind his tree—they had the group of nobles surrounded.

"This, my friends, is an ambush," Allan declared proudly, holding the reins of the lead horse in one hand, his sword in the other.

"The poor need money," Will proclaimed.

"Tell us what you have," chimed in Deirdre.

"Be honest with us," said Little John.

"And we'll only take a tenth," declared Djaq.

"Lie, and we take it all," warned Much.

"So which is it?" asked Robin.

The group of nobles and guards sat in silence for a moment, and then the lady who was their leader, dropped the cowl back on her hood, revealing a face which had Robin, Much, Will, and Djaq bowing immediately. Allan and Deirdre looked around at the others in consternation; Allan shrugged his shoulders and raised his eyebrows at Deirdre. Little John groaned.

The woman spoke, her voice tinged with the accent of the Normans. "Of course we will not lie, Robin Hood. When have you known your queen to be dishonest?"

The woman turned to Little John. "Big Bear," she exclaimed, "how nice to see you again."

"Let them go, Robin," Little John begged, looking for all the world like a frightened child. A large frightened child, but a frightened child, nonetheless.

Allan looked toward Deirdre, mouthing 'Big Bear' with an amused look on his face, and Deirdre fought the urge to laugh out loud.

Robin and the others rose, and Robin grinned as he stepped toward the woman, stopped by the sudden appearance of the drawn swords of her guards which barred his path. The woman shooed the guards and kicked her mount forward, holding out her hand imperiously toward Little John.

"Come and help your queen to dismount, Big Bear," she demanded.

With a sigh, John complied, stepping forward and reaching toward her as she leaned down into his arms. As her feet touched the ground, John made to move away, but the queen kept her grip firm on his arms, squeezing the muscles there.

"Ah, Big Bear, you always make me feel like a delicate young girl, you do."

John frowned, attempting once more to step back, and prevented once more by the queen's strong grip. Eleanor had wielded swords in battle in her youth, and despite her sons' disapproval, kept up with her training; therefore, she had sturdy arms and a strong grip.

"Will you not give your queen a kiss of greeting, Big Bear?"

The queen smiled coquettishly at John, and the others wore varying expressions of mirth at John's obvious discomfort. Sighing, John bent, turning his head in order to place his kiss on the royal cheek, but Queen Eleanor would have none of it, and transferring her hands from his arms to his neck, she pulled his mouth down to hers, causing John to flail about until he was released from her grip.

Allan couldn't hold in his mirth anymore, and guffawed loudly, which set off the others; released, John glared at them, only increasing their laughter.

The queen turned to Robin.

"Now, where is this camp of yours? I could do with some rest, and a bite to eat."

Robin stopped laughing and shifted his feet back and forth, looking down at the ground, and then back up at the queen beseechingly.

"Your Majesty, I'm sorry, it's just that…that…"

Deirdre stepped in; she had dealt with enough royalty that they did not impress her, certainly they did not scare her.

"Your Majesty, the camp's secret. They blindfolded _me_ until they knew they could trust me."

"And why is it we let her know where the camp is now?" Much put in, backing away quickly at Deirdre's black glare.

"What I mean is…" she began, turning back toward the queen.

"I understand. It'll be an adventure. I have only one demand—that my Big Bear does the honors." The queen twirled almost delicately in front of Little John, holding her arms out to her side.

John sighed once more as Robin threw him a cloth to blindfold the queen with. He reached his hands over her shoulders, placing the cloth delicately over her eyes, his own eyes widening as the queen leaned back toward him.

"You know, I'll need someone to guide me now, perhaps even to carry me since I can no longer see the way."

The others all laughed and turned away, leaving only John close enough to guide her.

"The rest of you, camp off the road," the queen commanded, speaking to her retinue. "When the outlaws are…finished with me, I'm sure we'll find you."

John lifted her up into his arms and Queen Eleanor squealed like a girl.

At camp, with Eleanor's blindfold removed, the outlaws all sat around a fire. Little John was the only one who stood, his arms crossed and a frown on his face as he leaned against a rock outcropping near the others.

"So what brings you to Sherwood, Your Majesty," Robin asked.

"I slipped my guard." At Robin's raised eyebrow, she continued, "I slipped him a bag of coin to let me out. I remembered how much fun I had in Sherwood the last time, Robin Hood, and decided that I wanted to come back. You know I enjoy a little…more fun."

The queen looked meaningfully at John, who flushed and decided that his fingernails were suddenly the most interesting thing in the forest.

Eleanor rose and sashayed over to Little John.

"Come now, John Little. Surely you would not deny your queen a little fun?"

If it was possible, John turned a deeper shade of red. The queen crinkled her nose.

"But first, you will bathe." Thus spoken, the queen of England expected her words to be obeyed immediately.

Grinning, Robin and the other men rose.

"C'mon, Big Bear, let's go to the river to get you clean."

Allan ducked a swipe of Little John's massive paw.

"Allan, you may want to use a bit of soap on yourself while you're at it," Deirdre suggested.

Allan raised an arm and sniffed, raising his eyebrows questioningly.

"Are you tryin' to tell me I stink?"

"I'm trying to tell you that you'll be a far…happier…man if you wash your _entire_ body."

Allan grinned and the others made varying sounds of disgust as the men all headed off to the river.

"I won't do it, Robin!"

"But the queen wants…"

"You're asking me to be a…a…_whore_." John whispered the last word.

"I'm only asking you to show the queen a good time. Remember how generous she was last time? Can you imagine how much more we'll get from her if you just…allow her to do as she pleases?"

John frowned. He had not enjoyed his bath—the water had been cold, he was embarrassed to be naked in front of the gang, and until he had grabbed the soap from the others, they had seemed determined to scrub him _everywhere_. Now, night was falling, and the men were escorting him back to camp, where Queen Eleanor waited for him. Part of John still felt like he should be faithful to his wife, even though she was with another man; and besides, the queen annoyed John by treating him like a plaything.

Immediately after returning to camp, the queen took his hand and led him off into the woods—John felt like a lamb being led to the slaughter.

Deirdre and Allan had found a quiet place to have some privacy—a cave with many openings like rooms.

"So, darlin', are ye goin' to check for soap? I may not've rinsed real good," Allan whispered.

Deirdre giggled softly and trailed her fingers down his chest toward the place that might still have soap. She climbed onto him and he felt his trousers tighten further.

"Jazus, Deirdre, you've got me all worked up," he nearly whimpered as she rubbed her body against his.

From the back of the cave, a groan broke the silence of the night, followed by more moans and a hearty, "Oh, aye, lass! Where'd a queen learn such as that? Never mind, don't stop!"

Allan shuddered as they heard the queen's muffled laughter. He had an idea of what was going on—the queen was doing to John what Allan had hoped Deirdre would soon be doing to him. He felt himself softening as more groans escaped from John's throat and a deep cry split the night. His hands went to Deirdre's arms, lifting her off of him.

"What's wrong, Mo Croi?" she asked.

"You didn't hear that?"

"Aye. It sounds like John and the queen are having a royal good time," she joked.

"Don't it…put ye off yer feed?"

"Not when I'm with you, Allan."

Allan's lips twitched and he decided he could deal with it if Deirdre could. Until they heard the queen's voice.

"Oh, my, Big Bear. Yes! That's it, I'm not delicate—don't be shy! Ooh, harder."

Allan rolled Deirdre off of him and headed quickly for the exit of the cave.

"Sorry, Deirdre, but I just can't…"

"It's all right, luv. I understand."

Deirdre may have claimed to understand, but she laughed at him and teased him all the way back to camp. Her laughter stopped the next afternoon, when Little John limped into camp looking exhausted yet somehow refreshed, with a large chest of gold on a little cart behind him.


End file.
